"and if i die at least you'll die too"

i don't know why i get upset over not doing something that i CHOSE not to do. i'm trying to keep myself from being disappointed by not even trying but it like, only makes me even more aware of my own mediocrity? and makes me feel more like shit? and i'm feeling all "gosh i suck at life". because i feel like i can't handle anything. like it takes a lot of effort to just live asdfasdf and i feel like other people just coast through life all yay and like it takes a lot out of me.

and that sounds totally emo but it's not really, because i'm actually totally fine. and the "it takes a lot of effort to just live" part isn't meant in a "my life is horrible and i have to commit suicide" kind of way, but like a "nothing is happening to me that should be making me feel this way at all and yet i am so mentally and physically exhausted and panicky and shitty" kind of way.

wah wah wah bitch moan whine wah wah.